S.A.D.

It’s that time of year again: you know it, the most expensively romantic day of the year—and oh so organic!

Valentine’s Day.

It seems like everyone has an opinion of Valentine’s Day, which tends to be very vocal either way. Let me just say that this holiday did start, in fact, with a real purpose. For a long time, like many of the holidays we celebrate, it started as a Catholic feast day. Although this subject has gotten me into many an argument with friends, I totally concede the fact that the Valentine’s Day we know and love/hate is, in fact, largely a product of Hallmark. It’s unfortunate, yet true.

However, less unfortunate is the fact that I love holidays enough that I’ll celebrate just about anything! This includes the holiday observed by what seems like 75% of the people I know: Singles Awareness Day!! Other than dousing my taste buds in ChocoVine and the chocolatiest chocolate ice cream I can find, this is probably what I’ll be doing this year. Yay!

            1. Go to the movies in a snuggie.

Why a snuggie?? Because they’re freaking comfortable, that’s why!!

Let me remind you, Singles Awareness Day is NOT the day to ball up at home and spiral into a cycle of self-pity and loathing. No, sir-ee, be PROUD of the fact that you’re single and ready to mingle, and do the most anti-social public activity possible—sit in a dark movie theatre in silence, eating popcorn. It doesn’t matter that there’s no one with you, because you shouldn’t be talking anyway when you’ve just paid $10 to not talk. The experience is even better if it’s a shitty movie, so you can be that angry chick who sits in the back corner and laughs/yells at the screen. But don’t throw your popcorn! That shit’s expensive.

            2. Don’t buy flowers

Have you SEEN the price for flowers around the middle of February?? They’re ridiculous, and there’s no way that flowers ACTUALLY cost that much. Instead, go to the store, buy some broccoli florets, tie a ribbon around them, and carry them around as a bouquet all day in commemoration of S.A.D. Not only is it the “official” plant of S.A.D. but it’s also at least 80% cheaper than your typical run-of-the-mill wilted roses. (Btw, as you’re carrying your broccoli bouquet, feel free to look down on the lesser saps that fell for the V-Day trap and settled for expensive yet sad-looking flowers.) Because nothing says “I love you” more than super food nutrients + fiber. Especially when you’re actually saying “I love me!”

           3. Buy a cake—heart-shaped!

I’ll admit, on a day when you’re reminded of your singlehood, sometimes you just have to eat your feelings. And sometimes those feelings involve the need to devour metaphorical soul. (Just be sure not to share ANY of it—you can ask Voldemort what it’s like to divide a soul into several pieces.) Rather, eat the whole thing yourself while watching Jersey Shore. Because if there’s anything that can make you feel better about singlehood (other than eating soul), it’s knowing that you’re waaaay smarter than any of those ridiculously lucky fools.

      4. Group dinner

Gather any and all single friends and go out to dinner at a nice restaurant—and be “that” obnoxious group. You know, the group that decides to loudly toast every time the annoyingly love-dovey couple in the middle of the room decides to act out said lovey-doveyness? It doesn’t matter that this is technically “their” holiday. They’re still going to see your group finish off dinner with a competition over who has the best running giraffe gait. And it’ll be EPIC.

Happy S.A.D., everyone!!